Monthly Archives: January 2017

Eh….brothers are you sure?

You have to acknowledge your past to control your future…..I can admit that once before in life I may have been the black woman that made a black man contemplate never dating another black woman. I mean….we all have a story.  However, I also found a man that I never had to raise my voice at and I willingly submitted to his spirit…..so when I see some of these wonderful black male specimens make these belittling post of how a sister won’t be able to dream/keep/have/breath/see/think a man if she doesn’t do/fix/embody blah blah blah….in an objectified obsolete and demeaning manner ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ

I just honestly wonder if they take accountability in why their previous situations turned out the way it did?! It’s like that old saying when you point the finger, remember you have four pointing back, type of thing. But I mean honestly….truly, whether it was 23% or 89%, do you own it within yourself before you set forth and begin to categorize, demean and stereotype all of us? 

So now I’m left with the question, what is the real issue? Not the “what we all do” problem, but what is it that you need black man? How can we help you help us? 

Now if I have kept you reading this far, understand this is in no form going to turn into an all-out-black-man-hate-fest! Nope. I love em! I love em all! Flaws, imperfections, nuances, the stance, the presence. The spirit. The soul. The King. The fighter. The father. The brother. Everything. I also am not the one who will ever tell anyone who to love, so this isn’t to bash those who choose interracial relationships either. But honestly, this is a open discussion to find a solution to a disconnect that is way too popular in what appears to only be one group of people, that I see.  

I have a good mixture of races in my circle, friends and family on social media, the one thing that is consistent and the most nerve wrecking —>>> black men are the only ones I see bash the women of their culture. Other men of other races don’t partake in this. Now again, there are a few men of every race that could go on somebody’s shit list, but they aren’t overstating and oversharing this hate at the same rate. I also think this is an “American” thing, because out of every person I know that was born out of the states or whose family traveled here….I’ve never heard them talk that way. Random post and videos I’ve seen in conduct vs content, still not delivered the same. Hell even when I’m trolling through comments, which I like to call research ๐Ÿ˜‰ it’s just not there. Now I’m not naive to think it never happens, but it’s in a private personal setting…that Bullshit locker room talk as they call it. Other than Donald Trump, it’s not shared a million times on Facebook or made a meme and posted on Twitter. 

Recently I came across a fan page for this lady, who shall remain nameless….mainly because I can’t remember it and also due to how crazy she was. My skin boiled at the foolishness she spewed. But also she’s literally batshit crazy, SERIOUSLY and I don’t have the time for my pictures made into memes floating around on  Facebook, cause look after I went through her page….I found out what she did to those who questioned her ideals <please insert laughing emoji twenty times here, and thank you ๐Ÿ˜‚> 

Ok back to the point here, this particular page has a following of roughly 15k black women all over the nation. It shocked the hell out of me. Everything that was shared or said, basically was a black woman confirming every stereotype and stating black women deserved the treatment received in life by anyone for something so simple as “we historically blow our noses the wrong way”.  Is your face as confused as mine? I hope so. Oh but the best part…the best part was a video of black men stating their love of black women and why. Now some reasons could have been left out, it was over-sexualized just a bit towards the end in my opinion….however in her opinion, the title said that it was a DISGUSTING public expression of any desire for a black woman. It is emasculating the black man in a way. Hmmm. (Please insert a face palm right here, right now…cause shit I really tried to get it, I gave up) Oh but if you don’t believe me that this bullshit exist, Here’s a few other random snapshots from random post and stories I’ve read. 

Oh but my favorite of all….this exchange that started after this. 


See this shit here is the mysoginst self hate mindset that some black men have that I don’t understand. You can’t hate something that made you, ya dig? It’s like being mad you woke up but thanking God for grace. So do you want to live or nah? Naturally by a man making these type of statements, his entire mindset is a lost contradiction of hurt and insecurities to any sane and rational person creeping on the internet. Oh and this by far is NOT a black womans fault or job for all black women to fix. And going as far as to label us all into this group of worthless whores with bad attitudes, makes me question what his mom did to him honestly…but I digress. 
Undeniably we, the black woman/mother/sister/lover/friend/enemy-of-state have a want to fix it, statistically we marry black men more often than not. It’s a factor of social behavior for any race though. However we are the ones that get the public humiliation in articles in major magazines justifying how we aren’t fit for marriage. Yet we are responsible for fixing ourselves in hopes of the basket to love us. How black man, how?! 

Now this is the thing, we have so many generational curses that have to be broken in our culture and communities, for us to see that we are the biggest problem to each other and at the same time the greatest benefactors of each other. However by some black men taking this open and public stance it allows for other women of other races to feel superior and publicly belittling black women, as well as black women to feed into this mentality and just settle for anything under the guise we aren’t worthy as a whole. The list of “gotta haves” are ridiculous and insecurities hiding out in guises of having standards. 

Pandering mammies belittle black women who dare to combat misogynoir. Pandering mammies are the first to shut black women down. Pandering mammies are often filled with toxic masculinity. I was a pandering mammy. 

Creighton Leigh 

Theurbantwist.com 


We get to this point were if no ones fighting for us, we will fight for ourselves. We have to stand up for him and us. We have to be the bread winner and make the bread. We have to be soft but also be a bad bitch. We have to be the punching bag, figuratively and literally at times, because he isn’t happy with some minuscule  circumstance of life that he has ever power to change with a cheerleader in his side, or because his emotional and mental baggage is the true holster of his gun. It’s sadly viewed whether publicly stated or not, like the guy stated in the post from Facebook….we are a product. We are an object. We are a stepping stone. We are the right now but not the future. We are too weak yet to strong. We are just like every other woman, but we don’t get the same chance or fight. 

I just speak for the majority of black sisters I know, love who you want….but fight for me the way I fight for you. Speak life into me and help me see my femininity so that I’m not just “strong” for you, but a soft and safe place for you, our family, our community and our culture. Stop relabeling me of something demeaning to go to a cool beat in a rap song and for the world to see. Quit using me to fix you, while tearing me apart in the process. Admire my beauty, strength, weakness and vulnerability like the peace you seek. 
Nobody is perfect, everyone has flaws. This isn’t a fight for whose perfect or right, it’s a plea to preserve an endangered species being killed off by its own kin. 

I’ll make this personal in closing, I am submissive to my man because he is my safe place. Every man before him, would call me crazy. Seriously. I’ve heard it. He has never, not to my face at least. He will encourage me and call me on my shit, but love me and guide me to be better. He makes me feel like every part of me was made perfectly. However, We are not perfect and he damn sure does not coddle me at every whim and bump, but he fights to bring peace to my soul. This doesn’t mean he is present for every stick I stumble across, but he’s made me so empowered and secure…he’s present even in his absence. He taught me to follow, because he walked in his power as a leader. He is a fighter. He is the head. He is the protector. He is the overseer of the jungle. In return, when I speak to him, I am overflowing with the feminine energy needed to balance this equation out. I breath life into him in every interaction and make sure he has his own safe place. The point is if we do not have meaningful exchanges on a higher plane than physicality and momentarily, we are just existing and continuing the cycle. 

Positivity breeds greatness, but sadly negativity is infectious and contagious in a more powerful way. When you live in your power those who interact with you can’t help but to transform. But eh what do I know, I’m just out here walking this walk and raising two powerful black men with a great black man next to me ๐Ÿ˜‰

Happy living beloved! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ˜˜

2017

Well hello there January 1 

I initially planned on purging everything that transpired in 2016 but as I sat down and started going over everything in the world….I just got super gloomy and hella wore out. Personally I can put 2016 on one of the greats for me and my family. 

Society?!! Not so much. It was like let down after let down, racial bias and negativity grew on the surface insanely…the deaths…the injustice….the brutality…..the hate amongst people…the backpedal  of “leaders”….the highest regarded seat in the nation handed over to a sociopath. The constant attack on black men yet pillaging and raping of the culture that terrifies people. The blatant disrespect towards our “first historically pushed” black president. The misogynistic atmosphere masked under progressive views. As a (black) woman, mother, sister, daughter, friend….most importantly just as a human….I literally backspaced everything and took a shot of Captain Morgan. 

As the year closed, I simply became just happy that Atlanta and Insecure became a thing on major networks. Well and it also being the year of great musical releases. Ok….Seriously, other than that and a 4 for $12 Coke deal at H.E.B….this was all I could thank society for. But eh…

Here’s how my planned impact for 2017 came about…. 

Through multiple conversations before midnight, I realized we all had something to work towards this year personally to counteract the most recent social changes. Not the typical ‘I want to lose ten pounds’ or ‘not be so much of a loose Betty and settle down’ work. We need more of the I want to share more love within myself and teach my kids or those around me how to love on exchange, so that anyone that interacts with me is inspired or changed in some way. 

I received a call from a friend that made me cry the hardest in happy tears. Not because he called in general as all friends do during the closing of the year, but the fact that he called to tell me the power of me being me as a friend and how it had impacted him, the love he spoke over my life, my relationship, and our friendship. Then the responses through text and emails of other friends I started to get,  all of them had the same theme…I am what I preach. I definitely fall victim of the flesh don’t get me wrong, but the change I want to see….I walk the walk and not just say it. That’s the biggest problem we all face! 

Someone asked me once, “you can’t be that happy all the time?”….they were right and I told them so. I’ve had my moments when patience runs thin, I hate to be disrespected in any sense of the word. I hate ignorance. I’m super picky and I am a control freak. I’m human and a woman, I go through every emotion that’s possible and maybe even some we don’t have names for. However, I don’t give anything my power…for one, I’m to young for wrinkles and two…if I spend more time being angry that means I have less time to solve, evade or remove any issue that could come up. Plus life is a game of constants and variables, and we will never know which falls under which category at first. 

I’m not the most religious person, however anyone that understands basic principles or moral guidelines that call for a positive and productive life should get this scripture in its entirety.

Galatians 5:22-5:23                                             The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

So After I heard this again, for the thousandth time in life, exactly 30 minutes before midnight I felt more empowered sharing the strength and power that 2017 can embody than the weaknesses of the past. This new set of 365 days mean absolutely nothing if we don’t get out of our comfort zone! We live in love of the flesh so much, that we forget simple practices that can help us and others see a future that’s less evil. You don’t have to have money or items to give to the world when you have a spirit of gold. You don’t have to go to church or be a religious fanatic to complete this task either.

One could say we all have the ideal of what God is inside of us, when you pray…you pray to yourself in silence…whether you practice in energies or vibrations….it’s all a matter of manifestation. Whatever you believe, it all sums down to you being the source…with no works there are no fruits. 

You can fight for all that is right but if your spirit is in dismay, no one will listen. If you are not the embodiment spiritually or morally of  what you want your surroundings to be, you’re your own roadblock. None of this is easy and it takes way more work to be positive honestly.  So here’s a personal challenge list I came up with…..

  1. Be present and find joy in every moment. 
  2. Make your space as peaceful as possible, no one has the right to enter that space unless invited. 
  3. Find control in your triggers or those random things that’s just not worth the stress. 
  4. Forgive yourself for what you can’t change or those who have wronged you. 
  5. Do something good or kind out of love, not to share on social media but for the actual feeling you get in the moment. 
  6. Keep your faith or vibrations on high, speak positive and life into yourself and those around you.
  7. Master self control. Moderation is key in all things, anything in too much of a high dose can be deadly to your spirit. 
  8. Lastly, if your list of wants is longer than your needs…be thankful for what is and work towards what shall be. 

Long story short go be great in all that you do, we have so many generational curses that need to be broken. Without doing and just talking, the cycle will repeat.

Happy living! ๐Ÿ˜‰