Monthly Archives: April 2017

Fragile

Frag-ile (adjective)

(of a person) not strong or sturdy; delicate or vulnerable.

You do understand it’s ok to be fragile? If not, are you superman or superwoman? Is your heart built of steel? Are you completely impenetrable of pain or hurt?

The thing about this word is that it is synonymous with weak, so there for in some sick twisted way we fight to prove or make an impression that it isn’t something we are or can be! But, my beloveds we have to learn on this path, there will always be a moment of fragility, of vulnerability, of tired, of gloom. Do not run or hide from this. Do not be ashamed and throat-check any and everyone that makes you feel as if you should be.

I’ll tell you my today and you take what you need from it. If anything at all, take that you aren’t alone.

At all times of my day, I am the rock. I am the center, I am the guard, I am the goalie. As we have previously discussed, I enjoy it so no complaints. However, we have to be clear when you are all those things to everyone, it is so desperate and important for you to keep your alignment and energy in check. If not you will be drowned by the sound of everyone’s pain.

I know this!

Right?!

Yes! I do.

But what I had to admit to myself is that I am still fragile. I had to say that shit aloud. I had to own it. I had to cry and smile while still maintaining the ambiance of my home, the openness to my friends and family, the fixer of whatever and be super mom. There was one interaction with one person that spiraled my day and it was only 9 a.m., I was unhappy. I was screaming. I was in need of my personal rescue. Other than this, I’m still in search of what that one thing is. And that’s ok, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The point is that somehow I sat here lost and looking for something that I know we all can only give ourselves.

Peace. 

See everyone’s first answer is to tell you to be thankful, be grateful. “It’ll be ok, you woke up”, they say. This may have some truth in it, but it’s not what’s needed. And its ok for you to say thank you but no thanks to surface level ass advice. If you have to demand the time to take care of yourself, DO IT! If you have to make a few people unhappy because you chose your own happiness over theirs, DO IT! I use to walk on eggshells with this person, I catered and cut off any and everything that made them feel any type of uneasiness…to give some sick sense of gratification in my pain. Because of certain titles in life, you think or have this innate feeling that is what you are supposed to do. It wasn’t until today that I saw that in its true form and understood the barriers in my life that were created because of this. Now we all have our own story and our own demons or fears or worries. None greater than the next, but all still special and meaningful in their own right. The curveball? Learning and using your own power to stand over whatever those barriers are. Take your power back. Own the past, present and what is to come!

The curveball? Learning and using your own power to stand over whatever those barriers are, isn’t easy and takes work. But for you, you must take your power back. Own the past, present and what is to come!

AND love on you first and foremost! 

Without you, those around you or the space you work towards building will fall. So today isn’t about what I can do to inspire in its entirety but what I can receive out of this energy. What change can I make to be better tomorrow? Hell, what can I do that is self-defining within the next hour? What will make the foundation stronger? I’m quite sure there will be many of times we all see a fragile or vulnerable state again. It’s life but…..if I can give you anything, this shit takes work every day and you have to live it intentionally until it’s done subconsciously.

If euphoria was easily attainable, we still wouldn’t have it because it would be too expensive for our reach.

Now we must create our own!

-MalJenJon

Living in the moment….

Honestly….Truly, do you understand the meaning of living in the moment? When you speak your ideal, what does it sound like out loud? Would you be able to explain this in a crowded room? Would you be able to walk what it is you are talking? You would have to know a lot of my experiences to understand my outlook, but without giving you that right at this moment catch this work, please….

I personally do not believe we live in the moment enough! My definition? To live in the moment is to embrace each moment or encounter as if it will be the last. Now if anyone of my generation or older is reading this, you would say this is actually the problem of society with the lacking of responsibilities or ambition, that is NOT what I’m speaking of and a whole nother conversation to be had. I am solely speaking to those overwhelmed souls right now or somebody searching for a new road to happy.

We continuously go from day to day thinking of what is expected of us, never once going over what we expect of ourselves. We stress and worry so much that we become robots, forgetting our soul’s necessity to embrace the day before us. It’s a constant cycle of not being good enough. Not doing great, enough. The disappointments of expectations not falling through. Maybe, it’s financial or social, hell it could be family. The interactions we have with other walking strangers or those closest to us, draining all the energy that we hadn’t charged up enough for. The job you hate. The kids, the house, and the dog. The mediocrity and melancholy you feel in solitude, covered by a smile in passing. Your shoulders pressed by the weight of whatever that plague may be. I’ve been there, I understand it all very well. But…..

I NEED YOU TO KNOW….all of the things that may be taking a toll or feeling like a brick is actually very minuscule to the weight and worth of your entire existence. Ride with me for a second.

On the entire scale of where or what your life is right now, YOU have the most control. Everything and everyone belong to their own specific role; these are your constants and variables of this equation of life. Let’s keep in mind, always, that you are a constant beloved AND your job is to appropriately place the things in your life in the appropriate category. As long as the blessing of our eyes opening and energies not being recycled is given, we have the most power imaginable. So with that being said your first steps to finding your inner joy, will be truly embracing every encounter and interaction as its first and last experience while walking through your day. Manifest the energy you want to be, the energy you want to spread, the happiness you want to see. Enjoy the dark just as great as the light. Never be afraid to be, do or say what is necessary for you to be the happiest you. Now I am not preaching self-indulgence but a more proactive self-love credo. It is completely oh-fucking-kay to use your enjoyment or benefit or want or need as the reason why you will or will not partake in anything.

See my joy has always come from building others up, very randomly and short lived do I get the same. I chose, to be honest with myself in the discovery phase, that was ok with me. Because in watching someone come to me with an issue and smile walking away feeling half an inch more empowered than before, actually empowers me. My problems are my own and if you choose to be solution oriented then it’s hella easier to be happy. Now understand that when I say “solution oriented”, you do have to understand that sometimes the solution is actually, nothing. Do nothing, say nothing, leave that shhh right where it is and when it happened (AKA variable). See when your actions become purely motivated off of anything other than want or will, it becomes a task. You will never embrace the day or the energy if it is only a task. Say the word “task” aloud, it sounds horrible right? A task is a job. A task is stressful. IF my life’s journey is a task, my outlook would mimic a room of death.

Remember I never claimed to have all the answers, and some things may take more time than others. But what I can say is that you have time; be bigger than what you can not control or change (AKA constant). However, in its entirety, you can never miss what you never had and you will never learn what you do not seek to find.

So long story short folks, just go out and embrace the day for what it is, not what it could have been or what you wished it was. Just look at the sky and watch the clouds move, take your shoes off and soak up some of the energy from this earth. Be the greatest you FOR you imaginable.

Because when you close your eyes tonight, only you will hear those thoughts and only you will have the power to change them!

Happy living folks!

*Disclaimer* Never forget everything I say is solely the ideas and perspective, it works for me and with some tweaking and changes, it really could work for anyone.