Fragile

Frag-ile (adjective)

(of a person) not strong or sturdy; delicate or vulnerable.

You do understand it’s ok to be fragile? If not, are you superman or superwoman? Is your heart built of steel? Are you completely impenetrable of pain or hurt?

The thing about this word is that it is synonymous with weak, so there for in some sick twisted way we fight to prove or make an impression that it isn’t something we are or can be! But, my beloveds we have to learn on this path, there will always be a moment of fragility, of vulnerability, of tired, of gloom. Do not run or hide from this. Do not be ashamed and throat-check any and everyone that makes you feel as if you should be.

I’ll tell you my today and you take what you need from it. If anything at all, take that you aren’t alone.

At all times of my day, I am the rock. I am the center, I am the guard, I am the goalie. As we have previously discussed, I enjoy it so no complaints. However, we have to be clear when you are all those things to everyone, it is so desperate and important for you to keep your alignment and energy in check. If not you will be drowned by the sound of everyone’s pain.

I know this!

Right?!

Yes! I do.

But what I had to admit to myself is that I am still fragile. I had to say that shit aloud. I had to own it. I had to cry and smile while still maintaining the ambiance of my home, the openness to my friends and family, the fixer of whatever and be super mom. There was one interaction with one person that spiraled my day and it was only 9 a.m., I was unhappy. I was screaming. I was in need of my personal rescue. Other than this, I’m still in search of what that one thing is. And that’s ok, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The point is that somehow I sat here lost and looking for something that I know we all can only give ourselves.

Peace. 

See everyone’s first answer is to tell you to be thankful, be grateful. “It’ll be ok, you woke up”, they say. This may have some truth in it, but it’s not what’s needed. And its ok for you to say thank you but no thanks to surface level ass advice. If you have to demand the time to take care of yourself, DO IT! If you have to make a few people unhappy because you chose your own happiness over theirs, DO IT! I use to walk on eggshells with this person, I catered and cut off any and everything that made them feel any type of uneasiness…to give some sick sense of gratification in my pain. Because of certain titles in life, you think or have this innate feeling that is what you are supposed to do. It wasn’t until today that I saw that in its true form and understood the barriers in my life that were created because of this. Now we all have our own story and our own demons or fears or worries. None greater than the next, but all still special and meaningful in their own right. The curveball? Learning and using your own power to stand over whatever those barriers are. Take your power back. Own the past, present and what is to come!

The curveball? Learning and using your own power to stand over whatever those barriers are, isn’t easy and takes work. But for you, you must take your power back. Own the past, present and what is to come!

AND love on you first and foremost! 

Without you, those around you or the space you work towards building will fall. So today isn’t about what I can do to inspire in its entirety but what I can receive out of this energy. What change can I make to be better tomorrow? Hell, what can I do that is self-defining within the next hour? What will make the foundation stronger? I’m quite sure there will be many of times we all see a fragile or vulnerable state again. It’s life but…..if I can give you anything, this shit takes work every day and you have to live it intentionally until it’s done subconsciously.

If euphoria was easily attainable, we still wouldn’t have it because it would be too expensive for our reach.

Now we must create our own!

-MalJenJon

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