I was judged recently and it was one of the most infuriating experiences I’ve ever had in life. I was called materialistic, lazy, an opportunist and I was using my child’s father for his money 🤭
Man I was ready to let these people have it. Like guns a blazing. These things were conjured up by a group of people that never really knew me. It took me the entire drive over to his house to remember this key point.
I pulled up to the meeting and I never said a word.
I remembered I was never present to hear these things in the first place. Nor were any of them repeated or would they ever be to me personally. This was just a group of people that never took the chance to know me and never deserved me giving the opportunity. His family.
I know that sounds harsh. On the surface at least. But honestly, I’ve never been disrespectful to them. During our time together, I never once did anything out of character or “acted a fool”. They had never seen an argument between us. They really never seen us interact honestly. I was just the girl he lived with for 5 years, who had a child from a previous relationship and I guess “needed a come up” in their eyes. The thing about that is, I was more established than him in every facet of life.
So it boils down to one simple question. Why give it energy?
They seen a presentation of me that fit a general mode for “girls”. She likes to keep her hair done. She likes to keep her nails done. She likes to look nice. Blah blah blah. Simplistic surface level stuff right. Not acknowledging I legit was a woman who created her own lifestyle and footed the bill for it every step of the way. New car, I bought that. New hair, I did it myself. Paid my own bills. I cooked. I cleaned. I was a mother to my two boys. I didn’t spend frivolously. Didn’t take elaborate vacations. I did what I was suppose to as an adult. Responsibly.
When you come from nothing and raised predominately with men….as a woman, I knew I had to be in charge. I knew I had to be my own head. Because I could never be the girls I seen them with. I could never wait on the hand of a man. I’m too free spirited for that and no man can afford to give me the feeling that I receive by satisfying my own needs. I’m not speaking to the “overly independent don’t need a man lifestyle”, but the I can make it in this world by myself because my life is very much just that….MINE. I am responsible for looking in the mirror and being ok with my mark on this earth. And a man taking care of me, just isn’t on the list.
However with the right level of genuine care, anyone would be able to see beyond the surface; they would have been able to see that the young man I met, turned into a fully able adult during our relationship. As well as it did not come at the expense of him “taking care of me”; as it wasn’t until almost 4 years into the relationship he actually began to make more money than me. Which mattered not because we did everything as a team. As adults should, ya know. The vision that we grew together and built a life for our kids that meant something. We had a partnership.
I always wondered what was it about me that made them standoffish. What actions or words did I use that made me less than in their eyes. It took a little while for me to understand it wasn’t me, it was them. I started to remember the countless conversations I was privy to about the prospects of his brother. The shady ins and outs of what they would say or do, but yet smile and nod to every single girl as if she was the only. It clicked. But honestly, family being one of the most important things to me, I struggled with coming to terms with them just not taking a liking to me. It was a childhood flaw of fixing something I was missing.
My character isn’t perfect. I’m vulgar. I’m over the top. I’m obnoxious at times. However, I have never had a damn thing handed to me in life. I’ve fought to keep the bare minimum. I had many of hungry nights growing up. I grew up in a volatile environment. I grew up gang affiliated. Could have lost my life a few times. Might a caused some people to almost lose theirs. Struggled in finding my way until a point. I worked hard for everything my entire life yet I’d still give the shirt off my back to help them or anyone for that matter. See that is God’s grace in knowing who you are and never letting a soul change that.
See once I took in to account my actual faith, my actual worth and that vital grace I’ve grown to manifest in my daily life. When I arrived to that house that day, I was able to see it at work. I was able to save my energy for the things that mattered. No matter what I said, what “facts” I presented….they had made their choice to be who they are with me and anyone else for that matter. There was no saving because there was nothing to be saved.
EVERY SINGLE PERSON, REGARDLESS OF TITLE, DOES NOT DESERVE A PASSENGER SEAT RIDE TO YOUR LIFE.
Its so much bigger than just that set of people. People have their own bias, their own defense mechanisms and their own struggles which all in all lead to their formed perception. It is not your job to prove them right or wrong. When you walk in your authentic self daily, som will love you and some will hate you. But why would you dare give someone else the power to make you feel the need to defend yourself or fight for truth, why? Why fight for and with someone else’s ignorance?
At the end of the day, you have to know who you are and what you stand for. You have to know who deserves your energy. Who deserves your presence. Who deserves to know you and be at peace with the fact EVERYBODY DOES NOT DESERVE TO KNOW YOU!